How to Get Over a Breakup
Getting over a breakup starts with stabilising your routine — sleep, food, movement, people — then removing contact and reminders, and finally rebuilding a life that isn't organised around the relationship. Most people describe real improvement over months, not weeks.
By Nadia Brooks · Updated 6 September 2026 · 3 min read
Weeks one and two: stabilise
Don't try to gain insight yet. In the first fortnight the job is physical: eat properly, sleep on a schedule, move your body daily, and be around people even when you don't feel social.
A breakup removes a routine as well as a person. Filling the specific gaps — Sunday mornings, Thursday nights — does more early work than any amount of reflection.
If you can only do one thing
Protect sleep. Almost everything about grief is harder on four hours than on seven.
The contact question
A period of no contact isn't a tactic to bring someone back; it's what makes recovery possible. Every contact resets the adjustment process, which is why 'staying friends' immediately so rarely works.
Thirty to sixty days is a common starting point. If you share children, work or a home, aim for minimal and logistical contact instead.
The social media problem
Checking their profile is a small, repeated re-injury. Removing the option is far easier than resisting it forty times a day.
- Mute or unfollow rather than waiting for willpower to hold.
- Remove the app from your phone for a few weeks if checking is compulsive.
- Ask friends not to relay updates unless you ask.
The long middle
Somewhere after the initial shock comes a flatter, duller stretch where nothing is acute and nothing feels good either. This is normal and it's usually where the actual recovery happens.
Measure progress monthly: how often you think about them, how long the bad hours last, whether you can picture a future that isn't a version of the past.
When to get more support
If you can't function at work, aren't sleeping or eating for an extended period, or feel hopeless in a way that doesn't lift, speak to your GP or a qualified therapist. AlfaDarling publishes educational guidance, not treatment.
Key takeaways
- Stabilise the body first; insight comes later.
- No contact is a recovery mechanism, not a strategy to win someone back.
- Remove the option to check rather than resisting it.
- Measure progress in months.
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
It varies widely with the length and intensity of the relationship. Many people describe meaningful improvement within a few months and full perspective after considerably longer.
Should I contact my ex?
Not during the first weeks. If there's a genuine practical reason, keep it short and logistical. Contact driven by longing usually restarts the adjustment clock.
About the author
Nadia Brooks
Writer — Confidence & Boundaries
Nadia writes about the internal side of dating: over-pursuing, overthinking, and rebuilding confidence after rejection. Her work focuses on behaviour you can actually change rather than personality you can't.
Certified coach (ICF-accredited training) working with women on confidence and boundary-setting since 2018. Nadia is a coach, not a therapist or clinician.